Our Most Disappointing Movies of 2015

Last year I titled this post something along the lines of ‘Worst Movies’ which was poor wording by me. Don’t get me wrong, some of the movies in that list really were terrible, and I don’t think anyone would disagree with me, but others weren’t bad movies per se, they just weren’t anywhere near as enjoyable as I hoped, and so I upset a few people with my choices. Yeah me!

So without further ado, here are the movies that disappointed us the most in 2015…

I have only myself to blame for watching Pixels. As soon as I saw the trailer in the cinema with a group of friends (I think we were watching Age of Ultron) we all had the same reaction, this is going to be awful. But it’s got video games in! We love video games! Plus, Game of Thrones was airing at the time so I was on a Peter Dinklage high. It actually wasn’t as bad as I had geared myself up for, but it could have been so much better.  I had exactly the same thought process but replace the word 'game' with 'Sandler' and I was a disappointed as Allie was in this.

Superhero movies are just everywhere now, there’s no escaping them. I didn’t enjoy any of the other Fantastic Four movies WHAT?!, but when I heard how bad this year’s offering was, I had to see it for myself. I enjoyed Green Lantern, (this still horrifies me, but I suppose I liked the first Fantastic Four so hey ho!) I was bound to find some good in this. Nope. Nooooope. It was awful from start to finish. It was pretty to look at, but with a cast or boring characters I could care less about, it was doomed from the start. Bored bored bored, nothing interesting or good about this just complete waste of money and a rushed project developed solely to ensure Fox kept the rights to the characters.

Ugh. Self/less. Let’s start with the trailer that gave away the whole darn movie, and move swiftly on to question why a multi millionaire genius would spent his fortune transferring his mind to a younger body when he has to let go of his old identity and his entire previous life? It was an entertaining watch, but made absolutely zero sense, sadly.

I’m sorry! This is my controversial choice this year. Let me explain. I love Despicable Me. Like, one of my favourite movies ever love Despicable Me. The sequel was really kind of rubbish, the only saving grace was those little yellow Minions. So I was so excited to find out they were getting their own movie! And it was okay! It’s just now, months after watching it, I can’t remember what even happened. There was an origin story, a convention, and London. No no no no no - how are we friends?! This film was completely ridiculous but I loved every minute and I quote the film on a daily basis, not one of the best of the year but definitely not one of the worst.

Usually, when I spot a movie with an amazing cast and decide to watch it, despite knowing nothing about it at all, it really pays off. I thought that would be the case with Aloha, but it was so, so dull and I didn’t know what the plot was whilst I was watching it, let alone try to recall it now. It was such a waste of Bradley Cooper and Emma Stone’s talents, they weren’t themselves at all in this.  Still not 100% sure of the plot for this movie and or why any of the cast agreed to be in it after reading the script (I read the plot on paper as well and I still don't understand it!).

Maybe I shouldn’t have watched Spooks: The Greater Good without at least researching the TV Show first. I figured it would work as a standalone, and well, it has Jon Snow running around London in tight trousers, I thought it would be good! Sadly, it was a generic ‘there’s a terrorist and they have someone on the inside and we don’t know who’ movie, and for fun, I guessed who it would be at the start of the movie. I was right. Darn. Normally that feels good.

Whyyy was Hot Tub Time Machine 2 even made? The first was okay at best.  I assume this is a joke because the first Hot Tub Time Machine was freakin' awesome! Again, my own fault here because I thought Adam Scott would make everything better. Only he was wearing a skirt. Why?! Argh! Just bland, all round.  However, I fully agree with the second one being in this list, just terrible not even the cameo at the end could save this.

Ah, Jupiter Ascending. The reason I can never look at Eddie Redmayne without hearing his raspy voice in my head. I reviewed all of my movie choices in this list apart from this one, because I literally couldn’t. All I could muster was a vague outline of the plot as I saw it, which was a page full of drabble. Not even good old Channing Tatum could save this one for me. It was beautiful to look at, though!  I still can't explain why I have seen this film TWICE, after realising how bad it was the first time round I still sat through it a full second time. why why why?! This was awful, I wasn't convinced I knew what was happening in the story and the visuals, although stunning, were bizarre and didn't appear to add anything to the film.  Oh Channing why?!

Ok so this may not have been one of the worst of the year but bear with me, there is a reason behind my choice here.  I watched this on pay per view in a hotel room in Qatar, why would that affect my opinion on the movie I hear you cry... well it seems in the Middle East on pay per view they will in fact cut out all scenes of, what they consider, inappropriateness therefore there were no sex scenes, not one....in  Fifty Shades of Grey...therefore it was just a really bad romantic comedy.  I have since watched the film in full and still didn't think a whole lot of it so  here it is.... I still love this story! Please keep telling me it because it's funny every time!

Loved loved loved the books, the first film was ok and this one was bad...really really bad and Shailene Woodley seems to have lost the ability to act for this particular role. Whole film was choppy and confusing even having read the books I still had no idea what was going on. I think I may swerve the final installment completely.

I watched all eight seasons in a matter of weeks and as with all seasons when the end the possibility of finding out where the characters all ended up (am I only one still holding out hope for a Friends movie?!).  So the idea of the Entourage movie was exciting, that is until it started and I realised it was poop (to use the technical term).  It destroyed every neat little bow it set up at the end of the series in order to allow the boys the freedom to be the gross, sex mad lunatics they had been previously.

Trying to follow The Heat was always going to be tough and this did not managed to live up to it, not even close.  The characters are irritating instead of funny and the story is plain ridiculous (and not in a funny way!).  Disappointed in both the leads especially after Witherspoon's epic performance in Wild and Vergara's general hilarity in Modern Family. Not good at all.

Jupiter Ascending Explained in 30 Seconds

For the record, I really do wish I could review Jupiter Ascending, and score it at the end. But how can you review something that made absolutely no sense to you?! Normally, when I draft up a review, I do a little introduction which normally has nothing to do with the film, locate a poster to make the post look pretty, and then summarise the plot of the film. Well, that’s where I got stuck.

What you’re getting instead is me, attempting to explain the plot, as I understood it. This may or may not be in chronological order, it’s been a whole week since I saw the film and I’ve kind of forgotten half of it. Apologies in advance…Oh! Spoilers ahead...

Some guys in uniform bust in on Mila Kunis’s parents and murder her father. He was trying to protect his telescope. I don’t know why. 

Skip to the present day. Mila Kunis cleans toilets for a living, although she’s always dreamed of more… p.s. her name is Jupiter...Jupiter - really!

Channing Tatum’s stealing some kind of medical records for a girl who’s name I can’t remember. It’s not Mila Kunis though. A group of weirdos, one with pink and blue hair, one with a crazy mohawk, and I think there was a third (?!) try and steal them from him. Channing uses his inner Magic Mike and escapes.

In the night, some alien things try and murder Mila Kunis’ friend, who just happens to be that girl whose records were taken. Mila manages to get a picture of it all on her iPhone. The aliens are cool with that.

The next morning, Mila goes to sell her eggs using the name of her friend. What was the friends purpose in this movie?! (see further rant below!) She really wants/needs the money to buy a telescope just like her father’s. Plot twist! The doctors are aliens who think Mila is actually her friend, and try to kill her. Channing to the rescue!

Once rescued, Channing takes Mila to his friend Ned Stark, who is alive and well. He lives with a lot of bees, bees which love Mila Kunis. Channing and Ned reckon this means Mila is actually royalty, so they take her to space.  I've never been stung by a bee, does this make me royalty?!

In between all of this, there’s some royal arguments over who owns Earth and when it needs to be ‘harvested’ Eddie Redmayne does a brilliant Voldemort impression.  I couldn't understand word he said!

Turns out that not only is Mila royalty, she’s the re-incarnation of the Eddie Redmayne and the other two’s mother. Err, what? Pretty Boy, Eddie’s brother hatches a master plan to marry his re-incarnated mother, murder her, and then take Earth for himself. Did we ever learn why Earth was so important to him?  Moreso, Why did he want to marry his own Mom?! yak!

If you hadn’t guessed, Channing to the rescue. Again. Mila is a little in love with him and his wolfy ears.

I really forgot what happened next. There was some fighting, some sort of betrayal, and Mila realised all she really wants to do is go back home and clean toilets. Somehow, her wish is granted. Everyone lives happily ever after, Channing Tatum now has wings, and Ned Stark got to see the credits with his head intact. Huzzah! haha!!

Sorry to anyone who really enjoyed this movie. If I may add, it was visually beautiful. It's just that it felt like it was based on a book that was mandatory reading material before walking in to the cinema!

I feel exactly the same as Allie (which is saying something because I usually understand films when she doesn't!! Sorry mate!) so I only have one thing to add to this.  Why, why, why did the Wachowski's decide after the debacle that was The Matrix Reloaded AND Revolutions, to make ANOTHER film that was visually stunned but appeared to be written by a small child.  The dialogue was painful and the story was ridiculous (what I could understand of it) and there was numerous characters/characters names that were brought in and out with no logical explanation.  Why have a film with such a complicated plot and vast volume of un-necessary characters and mentions with such simplistic and cheesy dialogue.  I wanted to love it, I had high hopes for it....unfortunately my hopes were dashed after 10 minutes!!

Looking Forward to Seeing in the Cinema this Month...February 2015

Is it really nearly February already!! Oh my gosh, the year is getting away from me...again!!  Both me and Allie struggled to come up with our looking forward to this month, we think that everyone has released movies in December and January for awards season so February doesn't get a look in!

Luckily, I have been looking forward to seeing Jupiter Ascending and it got delayed to February, win!  If you read my 'White Christmas' post you will know that I only finally saw the trailer for this on Christmas Eve after reading about it loads in my movie magazines. Don't get me wrong, I don't think this is going to be film of the year by any stretch but it looks entertaining enough and a bit different to other action/sci-fi films.   If you're like me and you think you've watched the trailer but haven't - here it is...

Jupiter Ascending is out in UK cinemas on 6th February.

This is the first time I've ever had a problem picking a film for this little series we do. Well, not truly anyway. Normally I have 5 to pick from, and I don't even get round to seeing all of them! This month though, the only thing I really want to see is Jenna's film, Jupiter Ascending, and even then I'm not completely sold by it. There is a film coming out this month that I want to see though, but I won't be seeing it in the cinema. Therefore, I'm re-naming the title of this blog post for myself to:

'Sort of Looking Forward to Seeing out of Curiosity but Definitely not at the Cinema...February 2015'

Yes, I read the books, I'm a warm-blooded female, of course I did! I was one of those weirdos on the train trying to hide their kindle from everyone, making it more obvious than I needed to. I didn't care about the quality of writing, quite frankly, I co-run a 'just for fun' blog and so as an amateur writer myself, I'm hardly one to judge!

I can't quite believe the film is nearly here though. I honestly didn't think it would happen. Of course it's going to focus on the fluffy, romantic parts of the book, but really, I think anyone who's read it is at least curious as to how the film is going to pan out. I won't be there at the cinema though. It's going to be filled with old people and weird couples! I don't think I'll be able to go to the cinema for a while after either, not until they've dry cleaned all the seats (sorry).

Do I really need to look up the trailer for you all? I'm at work right now, it might be weird...oh, okay then, here you go.

Fifty Shades of Grey is released in UK cinemas on 13th February, 2015