Review: Wiener-Dog (2016)

Let me tell you about 2 of my favourite things. Number 1: Dogs. All dogs, to be perfectly honest. I’m the type of person who, whilst walking in the woods will say hello to every dog I meet, and completely ignore the human being on the other side of the lead. Dachshund’s in particular are extremely cute. Number 2: Those movies about multiple stories where they all end up linking together in some way. Okay, what I actually mean is that I love Love Actually, but you get the picture. So when I find out about a movie called Wiener-Dog, a movie about a little dachshund who changes the lives of a whole bunch of people, I’m hyped.

How then, can a movie let me down so badly?! Here, let me find you this movie’s description, straight from IMDB: A dachshund passes from oddball owner to oddball owner, whose radically dysfunctional lives are all impacted by the pooch.

Hmm, not quite. Let me give it a go: The unluckiest dachshund in the world gets passed on from one bad owner to the next, people who don’t deserve the bundle of happiness that is Wiener-Dog.

Perhaps I’m being harsh. Let me recap on the ‘oddball owners’ that Wiener-Dog gets passed on to.

Oddball Owners #1: A father picks up Wiener-Dog from the local shelter as a gift for his cancer-suffering child. Proceeds to keep her locked in a cage until ‘her will has been broken’. Parents leave said child alone in the house whilst they attend a yoga class, and the kid feeds the hungry little dog far too many granola bars, causing mass diarrhea. Father takes Wiener-Dog to the vets to be put down.

At this point the viewers are treated to a beautiful tracking shot of diarrhea in the street. It goes on for ages, and it’s accompanied by some lovely music, too. 

Oddball Owners #2: The vet’s assistant (Greta Gerwig) takes pity on Wiener-Dog, and steals her away. She names her doodie. As in, well, poo. Great. She then decides to take a road trip with an old school friend who is possibly the world’s biggest douchebag, and leaves Wiener-Dog with her friend’s disabled family.

I’m not sure what happens at this point, because we head straight on to…

Oddball Owners #4: A struggling scriptwriter (Danny DeVito) now owns Wiener-Dog, but instead of giving her a loving home, he has a crazy turn and straps a bomb to her. I’m not even kidding. The bomb squad have to disarm her before she goes boom.

Oddball Owners #?: Wiener-Dog now lives with an old, blind lady, who has named her Cancer. Wonderful. Old lady’s horrible granddaughter comes to visit with her new boyfriend Fantasy (arghhh!) and asks for $10,000 to help him with his artistic dream. She relents, and terrible granddaughter leaves. What happens next is some bizarre epiphany involving multiple versions of old lady’s younger self.

I won’t spoil the ending for you. Even though this post should ensure that you’ll never want to see this movie, I won’t do that to you. It will go down in history as one of the biggest ‘WTF’ endings. 

From what I can gather, Wiener-Dog got a lot of good reviews. Perhaps the story is just too spiritual or artsy for me, but all it did was turn me into a giant ball of rage. At least I wasn’t bored at any point. 

Decades Blogathon: The Fountain (2006)

Originally posted on Three Rows Back and Digital Shortbread as part of the 2016 Decades Blogathon. To see the original announcement post, click here. To see this post in it's original form as part of the Blogathon, click here.

I was a spectator for last year’s Decades Blogathon, so I am absolutely delighted to make the cut to take part this year! As someone with a worryingly long ‘must watch’ list, this was the perfect chance to tick off a movie that I’ve been putting off for a while. The Fountain has been on my list for a while now, I can’t remember exactly what first brought my attention to it, but I was fascinated by the mixed opinions on it. Simply look at the chart on Letterboxd here to see what I mean. There aren’t many ratings charts that look like that.

The Fountain (2006) is an incredibly artistic and complex movie, but in it’s most simplest form, it is the story of a scientist named Tommy (Hugh Jackman), desperately trying to find a cancer cure for his dying wife, Izzi (Rachel Weisz).

It is, of course, much more than that. There are actually 3 separate stories here, all woven intricately within each other. For the first half of the movie, it’s incredibly easy to get confused with the stories, and the timeline itself. There are so many perplexing details that the movie focuses on, that it’s hard to switch off and simply enjoy the story for what it is. Rest assured, all those questions you build up get answered in a drip feed as the time goes by.

In fact, it’s incredibly rewarding to see such tiny details explained such a long time afterwards. It’s really one of those rare movies where nothing is shown or said without a purpose, and I like that. My one piece of advice actually would be to stick with this if you find it getting a bit too much. If it wasn’t for the fact I was watching this for the Decades Blogathon, I can’t confidently say I would have watched the whole thing.

What lies beneath these intricate tales is one of the most heartbreaking yet beautiful love stories I’ve ever seen. It’s a real testament to both Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz for their amazing acting skills and natural chemistry together. Izzi’s battle with cancer is all too familiar any Tommy’s refusal to accept the reality in front of him was so difficult to watch. The name of the movie comes from the book that Izzi has been writing as she documents her journey, and the scene in which she asks Tommy to complete final chapter for her, because he ‘knows how it ends’ is a very memorable one. 

My only real complaint is that the spiritual elements of the movie just get too complicated for me to understand.  Second viewing might aid this, as I literally went in blind, whereas knowing even just the blurb on IMDB would have probably helped me greatly. That said, anyone who is naturally interested in spirituality will have an amazing experience with this. It’s so well done, and considering the fact that it’s 10 years old now, it hasn’t aged at all. If it weren’t for the famous faces in the lead roles, this could easily be mistaken for a current release.

With a runtime of a little over an hour and a half, this movie whizzes by, and the ending comes all too soon. That said, I think if this was any longer some might give up before the end, when all their questions are finally answered. I highly recommend The Fountain, but I accept that it isn’t one for everyday viewing.