Priceless Parent's Guide Finds #1

Did you know every movie on IMDB has a Parent’s Guide? It’s a useful tool for parents to decide for themselves if a particular movie is suitable for their child(ren), and I use it a lot to help my Mum and 13 year-old brother. It’s also handy for me to find out if I’m going to be able to sit through any kind of horror movie.

There are categories for sex & nudity, violence & gore, profanity,alcohol/drugs/smoking and frightening/intense scenes, and users are able to fill these categories with scenes of note.

Well, as handy as the Parent’s Guide is, it defines movie moments in such clinical terms, that it’s actually hilarious, and I thought it would be fun to share some of these priceless finds with you all. No spoilers ahead, not to worry!

As Bill goes through a phone, he sees pictures that the owner took, all focusing on a woman's breasts. (Non-Stop)

A dog is briefly seen apparently cut by half during a nightmare sequence; the head end then chases the tail end. (Inside Out)

It is halloween, several characters are dressed up (vampire, skeletons). A man in a tight-fitting costume struggles to get it off in time to go to the bathroom. It later transpires he didn't make it in time. (They Came Together)

Champagne is seen (Flightplan)

A man walks into a couple (sex implied) - we see the other man's buttcheeks for a few seconds, hear a little moaning (no female nudity). (A.C.O.D.)

A man out of nervous anticipation quickly finishes a bottle of beer. (Her)

Insulting another man, a man makes crude, sexually explicit remarks about the other man's wife. (Run All Night)

The opening sequence has silhouettes of naked women. (Spectre)

We see Ilsa in a bikini as she gets out of a pool. (Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation)

We hear eerie screeching coming from inside the walls of a maze. (The Maze Runner)

A man is punched in the face. (San Andreas)

Vlad mentions "boobies" (Hotel Transylvania 2)

A scene is shown where some men have to break into an employer's mother's house to delete an email that her daughter sent her by mistake. (The Intern) - note this is listed under Frightening/Intense scenes

A girl yells penis twice.  (Hot Pursuit)

Sexy dancing at a talent show. (Mean Girls)

Review: San Andreas (2015)

It’s been quite some time since I saw a disaster movie. Not counting Fantastic Four, har har! You know what I mean, catastrophe, earthquakes, tsunamis, that whole thing. Disaster movies seemed to be all the rage a few years ago, but I either got bored of them or there’s just not as many being made anymore! Anyway, my family and I held a big ol’ movie night the other weekend for the first time, and San Andreas (2015)  was deemed interesting enough for our audience ranging from 13-65. Argh, I saw this and I think I forgot to review it, says a lot about the film I think....

In San Andreas, California suffers multiple earthquakes, one which goes down on records as the biggest ever in history. Lawrence, a seismologist (Paul Giamatti) and his team have developed a device that can predict earthquakes, but no one seems to be listening to him. Meanwhile, Ray (Dwayne Johnson) is having some problems of his own. His divorce to Emma (Carla Gugino) is taking it’s toll, as her and their daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario) are about to move in with Emma’s douchebag boyfriend Daniel (Ioan Gruffudd).

Within the first 5 minutes, I knew exactly what this move was going to be filled with. Stupid people doing stupid things. Sometimes, that’s all you need for a bit of enjoyment. The living room was filled with cries of:

“Don’t check your phone whilst driving round a mountain”

“Run! Why are you just standing there?!”

“Now is the perfect time for a kiss, obviously. Now run!”

“Does he own this helicopter, or has he just abandoned his day job?”

“RUN!”

Why did everyone spend so much time standing around having heart to hearts?!

This film provided so many flashbacks to the first time and Allie watched Sharknado, I can imagine her and all her family randomly shouting at the screen wondering how there happened to be a t-shirt with sleeves big enough for Dwayne Johnson's arms to fit in but still fit perfectly in the chest, in the store they happened to crash into!!

I think San Andreas needs an alternative title, let’s call it California and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It sums it up perfectly. (ha!!) Just when you think everything is okay for at least the next 5 minutes, the movie is just like ‘NOPE’ and throws something else into the mix. It’s exhausting to watch, but also quite funny in places. There’s this one moment where Ray and Emma are driving a boat just as the tsunami hits (obviously) but all is okay because Ray says they just need to drive over it before it crests, and then just as they reach the top, hey presto! There’s a gigantic freight ship just at the top. Doh! That scene was so amazing, I quite literally elbowed by Dad in the ribs to confirm that he too was in awe of the breaking of the laws of physics!  There were so many scenes in this film that defied the laws of physics, there was too many to count, but the quite clearly dead girl eventually coughing up a bit of water and being fine was pretty incredible, with no oxygen to her brain for approximately 5 minutes, surely she should have been brain dead, no?!

Honestly, San Andreas is one of the craziest movies I’ve ever seen. I’d nearly go as far as saying it’s like Sharknado with a giant budget, but I had an awful lot of fun watching it, too. The visual effects were pretty decent, and the action didn’t stop once for the nearly 2 hours run time.   I'm glad to see you agree on the Sharknado front, I just don't understand how a movie can be so bad with such a big budget, maybe they needed to put more of the money into the writers and less in the graphics.

It’s not something I fancy watching again, but it was the perfect choice for an action packed family movie night!  

I really wanted to love this film and it was great seeing the sights of San Francisco but where the terrible lines and ridiculous plot points in Sharknado is funny, in this it's just cringeworthy!!