Halloweenie Review: The Human Centipede, First Sequence (2009)

October is Halloweenie month here at Flick Chicks, the month that Jenna and I put on our big girl pants and force ourselves to sit through a few horror movies. You can read more about it in our announcement post here, and get involved if you’d like!

Why did I decide to watch The Human Centipede? My smart, blogger answer would be that I’d like to experience the full range of horror movies, from slasher to supernatural to gore, but I’m not even sure what category this would fall into. Torture? The real answer to that question is that I’m fed up of every TV show out there making reference to a movie I’ve never seen.  I have no idea why I watched this back when it was released, morbid curiosity maybe - either way I honestly wished I hadn't (and I enjoy a good gore film!!) This is just horrific!

I’m pretty sure everyone knows the plot to The Human Centipede. Some creepy guy kidnaps some people and sews their mouths to another person’s butt, thus creating a human centipede. What I didn’t know beforehand is that creepy guy has already done this with some dogs. Yuk.  The worst part about this is that his logic is that as long as he feeds the first one the rest will survive on the nutrients, and we all know what that means!!  Case in point, there was one scene that actually made me gag and I had to turn away to avoid losing my dinner!

So the movie starts with what I come to expect from most horrors, some dumb people doing some dumb stuff. This time, it’s two American girls on vacation in Germany who get themselves lost in the woods, and then accept ‘creepy guy’s’ offer of shelter from the rain whilst he calls for help. Life pro tip here, don’t accept a drink from a stranger, especially when you didn’t see them prepare it.  General life tip, rain does not hurt you, man with medical equipment in his basement does!!

What I hate about horrors is the suspense. I hate waiting for that jump scare that I know is coming, because it makes me jump anyway. It always happens the same way! Why do houses in these movies have whole walls made of windows, with the curtains drawn? I know you’re going to pull that curtain back. I know there’s going to be someone on the other side waiting for you and - DAMNIT, I knew it and I still jumped.

There was only really that one jump scare, and the rest of the movie was just kind of gross. I should have known better. Still, I couldn’t help but laugh when one of the girls got on creepy guy’s bad side by trying to escape. Of course your punishment is going to be becoming the middle of the centipede! Duh!

Worst. PowerPoint Presentation. Ever.

I can't say I remember the jump in this one, I just remember the ending where they just topple over, I felt so bad for the woman in the middle but I couldn't help but laugh (Yes I am a horrible person!).  I feel like this film would have been a whole different experience if me and Allie has watched it together, we would have shouted at the screen and talked over the particularly horrid bits. It would have been a bit more Sharknado and a bit less ewwww!

Has anyone watched the other two Human Centipede movies? I can’t believe they actually made more, but we're on the 4th Sharknado movie, so there’s that.  I knew there was another one, I didn't know there was two more, do we even want to go there? We really don't, but The Human Centipede didn't scar me for life unlike It Follows!

I'm not sure I can rate this out of 10, it wasn't a badly made film but the story was cooked up by someone super cray-cray and the outcome was just gross...how does one quantify that?!

Halloweenie Review: It Follows (2014)

October is Halloweenie month here at Flick Chicks, the month that Jenna and I put on our big girl pants and force ourselves to sit through a few horror movies. You can read more about it in our announcement post here, and get involved if you’d like!

So this is the first is a long line of horror movies that me and Allie have promised to watch for Halloweenie, this was no where near the scariest we are going to watch and yet there were were hiding behind cardigans, cushions, hoodies and cats! We gave ourselves a choice between It Follows, Unfriended and The Babadook, and It Follows was the winner!

It Follows centres around what we named a "supernatural STD". After a sexual encounter, Jay (Maika Monroe) starts seeing people following her that no one else can see and they are trying to kill her.  Should she pass it on or try to stop it?

This was not what I was expecting, I thought it was going to be a teen slasher movie, Scream 2.0 but this was completely different. It had more of an indie feel about it and focused on really slow build ups rather than cheap scare tactics to entertain. I read afterwards that the idea of 'it' walking towards the camera makes it feel like a scary dream when someone is following you but you can't get away.

Jump scares are what keeps me away from Horrors, and it's so cool that It Follows only really made me jump once. From memory someone threw a rock at a window? I jumped a mile. The only other time I jumped was when Jenna quite literally punched me in the arm for no reason. Cheers mate!

However, it was the lack of jump scares that had me nervous the entire time. Those slow shots of a window, or open door, had me holding my breath and squinting, waiting for something to jump at me. That suspence barely lets up, and when you do let your guard down, is the moment the movie strikes with something horrifying. I'm just amazed, still. Is this what it feels like to love a Horror movie?

The whole film has a dream vibe about it, everything was so slow and calm (but terrifying at the same time). It made mine and Allies freak outs about every bathroom mirror, windows with curtains and closet doors seem ridiculous as there was minimal big 'jumps'.  I do need someone to explain the swimming pool scene to me and how they came up with that plan? Why did they think it would work? It baffled me?

I have no idea how we are actually going to watch the real jumpy horrors after the state we were in after this. Allie kindly walked me to my car (because I had lots of stuff not because I was scared!!!) And the first person we saw we looked at each other and said "you can see him right" - crackpots! This part is true, whenever Jenna comes to my house she has enough stuff with her to move in with me for the week. I'd imagine we terrified that poor guy though, wondering if he was real or not!

I've spent every day since questioning anyone walking slowly, I feel the need to nudge someone nearby and ask them if they can see that person too.

Oh, and if you're looking for a second opinion, why not check out Courtney's review over at On The Screen Reviews. This was creepy timing, just as I'd finished polishing off this post, Courtney emailed me looking to join in on our 'Halloweenie' activity and sent me a link to her review of It Follows! Weeeeiiiiirrrrrrd! Thanks Courtney...now can anyone else see that person outside? No?

Review: Florence Foster Jenkins (2016)

At this point, I’m pretty sure Meryl Streep could walk on set, say a few lines (whether they’re from an actual script or not), go home and we’d all still be singing her praises. I really like her of course, but I don’t worship her like a lot of movie fans do. Perhaps I just need to see more of her work! My point anyway is that she’s not one of the actresses I would see absolutely anything for. My first impression of the trailer for Florence Foster Jenkins was a cross between a laugh and a sneer, I think.

Florence Foster Jenkins is the story of a wealthy heiress living in New York who dreams of becoming an opera singer and performing in Carnegie Hall. The catch is that she can’t sing to save her life, but her devoted husband (Hugh Grant) can’t bring himself to tell her the truth, and instead hires a singing coach and pianist (Simon Helberg) to not only coach her, but remind her how wonderful she is.

The real stand out part of the movie is the wonderful performances by all 3 leads, Meryl Streep, Hugh Grant and Simon Helberg. Streep is exactly how you would expect her to be, powerful yet effortless. Her awful singing may be difficult to listen to at times, but I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for someone with amazing singing talent to actually sing badly. I’d experiment to see for myself, but you know, I can’t sing anyway. Hugh Grant is possibly at a higher level than I’ve seen him before, mastering that charm like he always has but with a surprising amount of heart.

However, the show stealer is Helberg. Better known as the awkward and often inappropriate Howard in the Big Bang Theory, this is a completely different role for him, and after watching him, I can’t actually picture anyone else doing that character justice. It’s like that saying ‘It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it’, Helberg shines for his mannerisms more than anything else. His body language and facial expressions bring a lot of the humour this movie has.

As for the rest of the movie...I’m still not convinced. It’s just not the kind of story that normally interests me. The tone shifted about quite harshly in places, so whilst I was laughing at a clever one-liner, something quite moving would happen and I wasn’t really sure how to feel. That’s the only real thing I can fault though, so I’m just not sure why I only liked Florence Foster Jenkins, rather than loved it.

Still, I’m glad I gave it a watch, and I would definitely recommend it to you all. What did you think, if you’ve seen it?

Looking Forward to Seeing in the Cinema: October 2016

Welcome to October, the start of Halloweenie Month here at Flick Chicks (more on that here) and the time of year where it's perfectly acceptable to either live in a cardigan or pajamas, with smells of spiced apple and cinnamon in the house. Ahh, Autumn. As a break from watching scary movies, I'm looking forward to squeezing in a couple of cinema trips. There is of course the latest offering from Marvel, featuring my beloved Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, but there's something I'm looking forward to even more than that. Sorry, Benny.

I don't do nearly enough reading, but when I heard about the upcoming release of The Girl on the Train, hailed as 'the next Gone Girl' I knew I needed to read the book. I'd just finished consuming Ready Player One in 5 days and I had the reading bug, so I sacrificed a couple of hours sleep each day and read The Girl on the Train. It's good, guys. I never read Gone Girl, so I can't really make a comparison until I have, but it's good.

If you've not heard of it yet, The Girl on the Train stars Emily Blunt as Rachel, an alcoholic still suffering after her marriage broke down. On the train to work every day she fantasizes about a house a few doors down from her old house which the train passes, and creates names and stories for the couple she sees there. One morning she sees something which shocks her, and the next day the woman from that house goes missing.

Overall, I'm really happy with the casting choices, they matched what I had thought up in my mind really well. What's kind of bugging me is that the movie will be set in New York rather than London. It shouldn't be a big deal but it is to me, it was set in a beautiful little town just on the outskirts of London and the New York setting might just change the tone completely. We'll see.

This is normally the part where I share the trailer but for the love of all that's holy, don't watch it if you haven't done so already. Maybe it's because I know what happens but it has so much to say! Go in blind, please. It'll be worth it.

The Girl on the Train will be released in UK cinemas on 5th October 2016.

Monthly Round Up + Links: September 2016

As I type this post, whilst tweaking my cinnamon loaf recipe, I can't actually believe that it's October tomorrow! Normally, we post a Trivia Round-Up on the last day of the month, but honestly? That was starting to feel like a chore, and I've been looking for a way to share links to my favourite posts of other bloggers, and so we're trialing a different kind of Round Up post!

This month has been pretty slow for movie watching, for me anyway. Being a movie fan and a gamer sucks up a lot of time, and I'm still burning a couple of hours a day on World of Warcraft. I managed three cinema trips though, a Flick Chicks catch-up to see Bad Moms, a girls night out to see Bridget Jones's Baby, and a mid-week treat to see Swiss Army Man. I'm still trying to gather my thoughts on that last one.

If you've missed any of our reviews this month, you can find links to them all here:

Tallulah (2016)
Everybody Wants Some (2016)
Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping (2016)
The Huntsman: Winter's War (2016)
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
Sing Street (2016)
Wiener-Dog (2016)
Zootropolis/Zootopia (2016)
Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie (2016)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016) - Updated Post with Jenna's Review
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice - Updated Post with Jenna's Review

I've also got stuck into quite a few TV shows this month. I'm almost half way through Stranger Things, which I'm loving, and some of my favourite comedies are starting up again. One show I've caught up on and reviews is Wayward Pines, which is well worth a watch, and you can check out my review of it here. Don't worry, it's spoiler free!

Mid-September brought the birthday of one of my favourite actors, Tom Hardy. To celebrate the occasion I made a Top 5 List of my favourite roles of his, which you can read here. Quite a few of you mentioned roles of his from movies I haven't seen yet, which I'm planning on watching soon!

Also, the start of October brings the start of Halloweenie Season here at Flick Chicks! You may already know that we're huge babies when it comes to horrors, so we're trying to watch and review as many as we can in that month. Check out the announcement post here, and join in if you like! We have reviews's for The Human Centipede and It Follows on the horizon.

Last but not least, I want to share some of my favourite posts from our fellow bloggers. Check these out!

Those Assholes Watching Movies have been covering TIFF and got to see La La Land, which us Brits have to wait till January for. So jealous!

Margaret's Cinematic Corner is the place to be each Friday for all your movie news needs, and for the whereabouts of her J-Boo, Jared Leto. Seriously guys, she's converting me.

Kevin at Speaks in Movie Lines is the first person to get me interested in a Western, with his review of The Magnificent Seven.

Ruth at FlixChatter reviewed Florence Foster Jenkins. I scoffed at the trailer, but Ruth's words convinced me to give it a try, and I was so glad that I did!

Brittnay Brittani (sorry, I couldn't resist) at Rambling Film reviewed Snowden, a movie I really can't wait to see.

Jordan at Epileptic Moondancer reviewed Nerve, a movie I'm not gutted I missed at the cinema. Patiently awaiting a DVD or VOD release now!